Razzle-Dazzle

What the hell was that?



I just watched the Ringling Brothers' Barnum and Bailey Skills Competition and...huh?

What the hell was that Breakaway Competition all about? "Flair"? "Creativity"? "Dominique Wilkins"? Gary Bettman, you continue to astound. "Hm, how best the jazz up the NHL? Make it the NBA! Dunk competition, breakways - same thing!"

UGH.

Rick Dipietro was joking on the ice that Criss Angel should have just skated out there and lit someone on fire. He was totally right on. It was an embarrassment. If Ryan Getzlaf had just put the puck in his mouth and clapped like a seal he would have won.

I felt humiliated on behalf of all the goalies, because they stupidly went out there thinking they were suppose to, oh, I don't know, MAKE SAVES. C'mon, guys! Making saves and showing your skills is SOOOOOOO 1992. Call us when the Campbell Conference comes back, grandpa! Don't you know you were supposed to stand there like blow-up fuckdolls while the STARZ of the New Skool NHL (Bitches!) pranced around like Disney on Fucking Ice?

Gary Bettman, I hope you catch an errant puck to the teeth, one that is fired by a defenseman not worried about style points or impressing the fourth lead in Friday Night Lights.

Dominique Wilkins looked as baffled as I did the whole time. And the only "skill" Scott Mellanby has any right to judge is "hanging around the NHL longer than his usefulness should have allowed."

Can't wait for the All-Star Game...c'mon...Tim Thomas, and...that replacement Penguin player who isn't Sidney Crosby...